Two Words that Can Ease Your Burdens and Bring More Peace

Right now.

I’m not feeling so hot about myself right now.

I’m feeling on top of the world right now. 

There’s an ancient Sufi parable that goes like this. 

A powerful Persian King called together his wisest counsel and requested a word of wisdom that could be applied at all times. The wise men ruminated and came up with this sentence, “This Too Shall Pass.” The King was so taken by this that he had this sentence inscribed on a ring he wore daily. 

The temporal nature of everything is a prominent part of wisdom literature within most faith traditions, including my own Christian one—the book of Ecclesiastes serving as a paradigmatic example. 

These days, I’ve been flying high.

So much of what I’ve been working towards, waiting for, dreamed of, has coalesced and born fruit in just this past month. I have to pinch myself to believe all of it is happening (more to be revealed later). 

At the same time, last month, I was feeling pretty down in the dumps—doubting myself, my leadership skills, my lot in life… 

Psychologists have found that using words like “always” and “never” intensify feelings of depression and anxiety as they convince people that nothing will ever change. I’m sure these sentences sound familiar: “You’re never going to change. Our relationship is doomed forever.” Or, “I’m always going to struggle with this.” 

Psychologists steer people away from using these words that generate a grave sense of finality and encourage them to use words like, “right now” instead. 

Just using the words, “right now” instead of “forever” signal to our brains that circumstances may change, providing perspective and levity to current challenges. In the education world, students are now being taught to use growth-mindset words, which instill within them motivation rather than dejection. For instance, “these math problems are hard but I’ll eventually figure it out” or “The project didn’t turn out the way I wanted it to but I learned from my mistakes and it’'ll be different the next time around.” 

One of my easiest happiness hacks is to think about an area of my life that I used to struggle with in the past that I no longer struggle with. Examples that come to mind are: my struggle with eating and dieting in my early twenties, which I was convinced would be a lifelong battle; feeling lonely and not embedded in a supportive community; or feeling lost in my career path. 

Bringing these examples to mind remind me that I’ll be able to get through any hardship and that none are permanent, but opportunities for healing and further growth. 

Of course, the flip side of this is true as well. When all is right in the world, when everything you ever wanted is flowing to you, it’s sobering to remember that tomorrow brings a new set of experiences.

The truth is though, that while we may believe we’d be happier if nothing went wrong in our lives, it’s the valleys that make the mountains feel so stinking great and worth the climb. The fall season feels all the more amazing if the late summer days were scorching hot.

Speaking of which, my days have been so full that I haven’t been able to put together a fall capsule the same way that I put together my summer capsule for you. But here are my favorite trends this season: chunky sweaters, gold earrings, sneakers, boyfriend jeans, wide leg pants, and I LOVE the sweater over skirt look.

That said, keep enjoying your fall everyone!