Bringing in the Harvest

A snapshot of our birthday party

Of the four seasons, fall is easily the busiest one for my family. There’s the back-to-school buzz and all the activities that surround that, plus Halloween and Thanksgiving. In addition to that, my daughter’s, my husband’s, and my birthdays are all within three weeks of one another during the fall months. So, there’s a lot of celebrating in our house throughout this entire season.

Because of all this, I began the fall season excited but also nervous about everything that was to come—the planning, the finances, the socializing. Now that all of it has passed, however, and I’ve breathed several sighs of relief and recovered through several days of sleeping over 8 hours a night, I stand in awe. 

It feels like this particular fall, compared to previous ones, lived up to all the hopes and dreams I had for these celebrations. Now, how often does that happen? 

You know what I‘m talking about, right? We all have certain expectations when it comes to holidays or celebrations. We imagine ourselves getting dolled up for, let’s say, an anniversary night, and having a blast with our partner. What ends up happening is that one of you wakes up on the wrong side of the bed, the restaurant food is subpar, the gifts exchanged are underwhelming (or there are no gifts at all)…

As I shared in last month’s post, I turned 40 in November, as did my husband. In the past year, we’ve gone back and forth about how to celebrate this milestone. A trip up the coast with just the two of us? A big party? An intimate  gathering? We eventually settled on inviting a medium-sized group of friends and family in the area but decided to make it a bit swanky. We rented out the patio of a local bar and provided food and drinks for our guests. We even played an icebreaker game as people arrived to help our friends from different social circles mingle. Our kids, we decided, were not invited to this. 

The party was perfect. Our guests came in chic dresses and sharp jackets, complete with their charm and love for us. This kind of celebration for our 30th birthday was completely out of reach. We didn’t have many friends (which I feel like I’ve written about ad nauseam—see here and here), we certainly didn’t have the money to rent out a whole section of a restaurant, and James and I both felt lost in terms of our vocations and identities.

So, to be surrounded by such a beautiful community for our 40th birthday celebration in such a fun, elegant atmosphere, where everyone was laughing and connecting, was a once-far-off dream come true. When our guests introduced themselves to one another at our 30th birthday party, I heard lots of “We met them last year at church” or “James and I took a few theology classes together.” This time around, the responses were, “Lydia and I were ordained together five years ago and we’ve been inseparable ever since,” or “I’m one of their best friends and our families have gone on multiple vacations together.” The quality of the relationships were so much richer, with histories and backstories that could fill volumes.

It felt even more significant that this party happened during the fall, a season that’s all about bringing in the harvest and giving thanks. 

That party and, really, all the other parties that took place these past two months, have felt like reaping the harvest that we have labored over for years. Even our Thanksgiving feast surpassed previous Thanksgivings in that I listened to a few helpful podcasts and did some reflecting about what makes a good host. I implemented a couple suggestions, like having a craft for kids and adults to tinker over during the dessert hour and reading a poem before the meal to set the stage for a brief time of sharing and reflecting with one another. I fussed less about cleaning up after the meal so I could just relax and chat with people. These small additions made such a big difference in how comfortable and connected people felt. At the end of the evening, one of our guests shared with me on her way out, “Tonight truly felt like a real holiday.” 

Sometimes, we envision an event, and then it happens exactly according to our hopes and expectations, without much preparation or reflection. I, however, have found that to be a rare occurrence in my life. 

What I have found to be the case is that these special events and gatherings need to be carefully prepared for, and I don’t necessarily mean pouring in more effort, money, and time. Often, a bit of thoughtful intention-setting is the most important thing. For example, I wanted our birthday party guests to all mingle together, so it just took a few minutes of brainstorming with friends about how to make this happen. The game itself was very easy and required minimal materials and prep (about $5 and 20 minutes).

Another part of the thoughtful intention-setting is recalling the intentions that were planted within our hearts years ago that we haven’t yet realized. Being surrounded by loved ones at a birthday party can’t come together just by a snap of the fingers. Good friendships take years to form, like strong trees, and they need steady and consistent love, care, nurturing, and forgiveness. 

When certain milestone celebrations don’t happen the way you imagine, that’s okay. Many more will come in your life. Until then, you can lay the groundwork by thoughtful intention-setting: reflect upon what hopes and dreams you have for those gatherings, plant the seeds for the harvest. Then, slowly and steadily start putting in the efforts to make that a reality. And be patient with yourself. As I mentioned before, such a gathering could never have been pulled off in past years. 

Speaking of good relationships and forgiveness, I am very aware that the holidays can provoke a lot of anxiety in people, sometimes just at the thought of seeing people you’re in conflict with or resentful towards. If this is something you’re struggling with and you crave a more joyful holiday season with more connection and ease, I encourage you to book a one-on-one session with me. Helping people repair their relationships through forgiveness and intention-setting is what I do best, and I would love to help you have the holiday season you desire. 

So now, I invite you to reflect upon the labor you have put in and gather your own harvest:

What are some accomplishments or unexpected blessings from this past year that you are so grateful for? Write down any achievements or blessings of yours, your partner, or family member that you are so proud of. When we reap the harvest, it feels deeply satisfying to both acknowledge it and give thanks for it!